Welcome… Meet the Family

Hello, If you are here and you are human—and why wouldn’t you be, unless you’re one of those spam bots that offer to make me rich, loan me money under the guise of stealing my identity,  or enlarge something I’m perfectly happy with—you are probably wondering what this site is all about. Well, it’s about me. About my life. But only one specific aspect of my life as the rest of it is dull and boring. Trust me. It is. It’s about my family. Specifically, what we discuss during dinner, all in 750 words or less. But first, some introductions.

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  1. Karen, aka “Mom”
    • Age: 41
    • Height: 5’10” (but insists she’s 5’11” even though Dad’s taller than her)
    • Sex: Female
    • Personality: Mother, Bad Cop (very bad), Caregiver
    • Likes: Funny Things, Learning new things (except from Dad) , Debating religion and politics with Dad
    • Dislikes: Anything NOT Funny
    • Bad Habits:  Being tired and grouchy by dinnertime
    • Birth Order: Oldest of Five (four girls and a boy)
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  2. Lindsey, aka “Lin,” “Linney,” “Ghost,” “Linney Beans,” “Beanie,” or just plain  “Beans”
    • Age: 7, 
    • Height: 4’5″,
    • Sex: Female, 
    • Personality: Joker, Trickster, Affectionate, Jealous Girlfriend
    • Likes: Dolls, Stories about dolls, Making Dad kiss her dolls
    • Dislikes: Most Foods, When Dad doesn’t kiss her dolls
    • Bad Habits: Not eating, Standing on her chair during dinner, Disappearing at dinner time
    • Birth Order: Forth and Dead Last
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  3. Erica, aka “Be-Bo,” “Sweaty”
    • Age: 13
    • Height: 6’0″
    • Sex: Female, 
    • Personality: Loud, Boisterous, Adventurous, Impulsive, Fun Loving, Athletic
    • Likes: Swimming, Basketball, Snow Days, The Simpsons
    • Dislikes: School, Cleaning (Anything), Homework, Cheese
    • Bad Habits: Wearing her older sister’s underwear, Being too much like her father
    • Birth Order: Second
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  4. Daniel, aka “Dino,” “Homer”
    • Age: 10
    • Height: 4’11”
    • Sex: Male
    • Personality: Humorous, Kind, Sensitive,
    • Likes: Video Games, Staying up past bedtime, Snow days, The Simpsons
    • Dislikes: Chili, School (Sometimes)
    • Bad Habits: Exaggeration, Tipping his chair
    • Birth Order: Third
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  5. Madeline, aka “Maddie,” “Mads” (Hates that one BTW)
    • Age: 17
    • Height: 5’9″
    • Sex: Female, 
    • Personality: Dry but Witty, Observant, Motherly
    • Likes: School, Homework
    • Dislikes: Snow Days, Sick Days, Holidays, and any other day that doesn’t involve school
    • Bad Habits: Working too hard, Mothering the other children, Texting her boyfriend instead of speaking to him, Texting her father instead of speaking to him
    • Birth Order:First
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  6. Me, aka “Dad”
    • Age: 41
    • Height: 5’11”
    • Sex: Male
    • Personality: Humorous, Fun, Joker, Good Cop
    • Likes: Music, Reading, Writing, The Simpsons
    • Dislikes: Debating religion and politics with Mom
    • Bad Habits: Overreacting, Letting the kids stay up too late, Getting mad at the kids for misbehaving because they were up too late
    • Birth Order: Oldest of Five (four boys and a girl)
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  7. The Dog, aka “Lucy,” “Lu-Lu,” “Helen Keller”
    • Age: 16
    • Height: 13″
    • Sex: Female
    • Personality: Old, Deaf, Blind, Cranky, and a bit Eccentric
    • Likes: People Food, Little kids who drop food, Chocolate, Garbage
    • Dislikes: Dog Food
    • Bad Habits: Barking for no reason, Whining, Pooping on the floor because her hips hurt too bad to go outside, Farting, Snoring, Eating used sanitary napkins out of the bathroom wastebasket, Grossing the rest of us out, Trying to dig a hole through the hardwood floor at three in the morning, Vomiting chocolate all over the floor,…
    • Birth Order: Unknown
    • Breed: Chihuahua/Miniature Fox Terrier

Four kids, two parents, one dog, and tons of discussion, dinnertime is loud, enlightening, chaotic, crude, poignant, and usually dysfunctional, but it is always very, very funny. After dinner with us, you will either leave, holding your sides with laughter, begging for more, or leave asking us to stop, glad you’re not one of us. Either way, our dysfunctional dinner discussions promise to become a habit for you as much as it is for us and make you feel good about family.

So stop back. Check us out, and find out what we are discussing today.

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2 responses to “Welcome… Meet the Family

  1. Great stuff here. Very much looking forward to reading more!

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